The problem is I spent most of September exhausted. I went into October exhausted. Satan always attacks when we are most tired and vulnerable. He attacks via our mind many times at least he does to me. And my mind can go crazy on me when I give in to it. He's crafty and creative but he doesn't have to be when we fall for the same things. We make his job easy at times. He attacks at our points of weakness but also at our points of strength because we don't always pray over those areas enough. And nothing with him ever makes sense but somehow he can make it so that it makes perfect sense. Does that make sense?!
For me walking through some of this God has shown me that whether I'm right about something or not, I need to pay attention to red flags. He's shown me that He's in complete control. As Satan continues mind games with me, God continues drawing me closer to Himself. God uses it to build my faith and reclaim my focus. He uses all that Satan throws at me to hurl me into a pit, to bring good by showing me things I needed to be aware of and pay attention to. He was turning it for good before I ever realized the attack was on. Satan will never warn us. He's out to destroy us. He sets traps. God waves the red flag to warn us and we had better pay attention.
God was constantly asking me, "do you seriously think there's anything I can't handle?" I knew there wasn't.
It took fasting for 2 and 1/2 days, hours with my face in the Word, praying and journaling to just begin to feel like my head was above the water. One day I told Him, "I'm not moving until I get some peace". 3 and 1/2 hours later I got up. I was back the next morning for another 3 hours. It took blocking out all other voices to lean in and just listen for His. Every morning I still get up and have to put on that helmet of salvation to guard my mind. Some mornings I still get up with the elephant on my chest and I have to seek out those new mercies. God is never absent. He shows up every morning. He's working to draw us in, to empower us, to show us His faithfulness. It's always worth doing the work with Him. Satan wants us to give in, to quit. I'm still fighting or rather letting God continue to fight him on my behalf.
I'm so thankful for Jeremiah 5:22. It says, "I made the sand a boundary for the sea, an everlasting barrier it cannot cross. The waves may roll, but they cannot prevail; they may roar, but they cannnot cross it."
If you feel like I did and at times still do, and you think the waves are about to take you under, know that He will never let them prevail no matter how loud they seem to roar in your head! He is faithful!!
