An Afternoon by the Pool

I love summer.  I know if you know me, you already know that hands down it's my favorite season, always has been! I used to love it because I loved my kids being out of school and back home with their mama where they belonged.  But they're older now and I still love it.  I love the weather.  You cold weather people may not get it but I love it hot.  Not a huge fan of humidity but nothing beats an afternoon in the 80s and 90s. And for my friends who have always lived in the upstate of SC, you really don't understand humidity.  Spend a summer in Aiken, where I moved from, and you'll know what I mean.  I'm loving my summers back in the upstate where it's hot but I don't sweat walking to the mailbox.  I love the beach! I love the nights not getting dark until 9:00.  I love the lack of a rigid schedule, killing myself getting kids to bed early, actually that's the good thing about having grown kids year round.  I love the runs to the ice cream place after my husband cooks dinner on the grill. Love being barefoot! Did I say I love summer? All of that and lots more!!  One of my all time favorite summer loves is laying by the pool.  I hoard up books just to have them for summer reading by the pool. And I love peeking around to see what others are reading. I love watching kids play and splash. I love being quiet. I love endless chit chat about nothingness or I can go deep with the conversation depending on the mood of the day. The other day by the pool was more educating and thought provoking than relaxing. Let me explain and please don't take this as a bashing the parents of today or a post about the world going to hell in a hand basket as I used to hear people say. I blew it plenty in the parenting process, still do! I got tired and quit only to wake  up the next morning to new mercies and grace enough to get back at it. This isn't a psychology post, it's just from a mom with 4 mostly grown kids who somehow survived, and at times blessed enough to thrive, in the process and lives to offer some advice or opinion or whatever. I failed more times than I care to admit. My kids had days they couldn't get along with anyone and I couldn't get along with them. We had selfish days that made me want to pull my hair out. I had to highlight my hair often to cover the gray. And I too hated when parents of preschoolers tried to tell parents with teenagers how they were blowing it and what they would do. All I could ever think to say was your kids won't be preschoolers forever and then you won't feel so smart either. 

So, anyway, the other day my daughter Chrissie and I had her daughter Brooklynn, my 16 month old granddaughter, at the pool. We were next to a mom with her, I'd say 3 or 4 year old, daughter. The little girl is trying to pick up and hold all of her toys in her arms and because she had so many, perhaps problem #1, she kept dropping them. When Brooklynn walked towards her to pick up one she screamed at her and rushed to grab it. Chalk it up to the child having a bad day. However, the next day when she just saw us there, she would run to her stuff and lay on her toys thinking Brooklynn might take them. For a 16 month old, Brooklynn must look terribly intimidating. I probably would've been more understanding, because we all know that 3 year olds act like this more often than not, had the mom come over to and told her to share or be nice or stop acting whiny and hateful. But the mom rushed over to help her gather all of her stuff and take it back to their chair without a word about how she was acting. So not only did I want to reach out and paddle a child not my own, but I wanted to drown the mom because the real problem rests with the mom. Now before you gasp, you know you've all wanted to respond like that at some point too. The good thing is I didn't act on it therefore I had to repent of the sin of my thoughts towards them but thankfully not the sin of an action that would've landed me in jail. I was surprised that as a 50 year old grandmother those things were still in me that were in me as a 30 year old mom, but the flesh is weak and the heart deceitful at any age. And yes I did say I recognized it as sin! 

Here's my bigger issue and the reason for writing this. I looked at my daughter and said there's your motivation to discipline your children. Don't quit parents! Persevere through the tiredness and through the lies that say it won't matter! Why? Because I see 3 year old adults all the time! They whine when things don't go their way. They get that snotty look when you don't do what they want you to do. They explode and scream at people who don't play like they want to play. They blame others instead of taking responsibility for their own failure. They delegate instead working alongside. They call out others for the same sins in their own life. No grace. Legalistic. Ungrateful. They fail to see what others are doing for them, only what others don't do for them. They're selfish. They pout. 

I talked with my brother the next day and we commiserated together about all of this. He's a lawyer so he sees as much if not more of this stuff than I do. He congratulated me on NOT taking action so I didn't add to his workload. But he made a comment that's very true. He said, we fail to discipline our kids and then we turn them loose on everyone else and then God help us all. I've always said the great thing about parenting is we get to choose how we do it. But like everything else there are consequences to our choices and it really does affect more than just us. Don't give up mom and dad! Keep at it. They won't always choose well, but make it a learning experience. Teach them. I had friends that said well I'm just going to pray for them and let God lead them. That's great. Pray for them. Let God lead. But God gave them parents and it's our job to train them and teach them! Let's make that the best job we do! It's more important than any other job! I'm so thankful I got to do my two favorite things: be a stay at home mom and do ministry. Both are exhausting. Both rewarding. Both crucial. But the mom thing trumps them all!! Parent well! You only get one shot! And please let's not be one of those 3 year old adults.