50

I celebrated my 50th birthday last week. Yes, I said celebrated! 😊 You can't prevent it anyway so you might as well celebrate it. Honestly, I've never been one to worry about my age, I just want to feel good and be healthy so at whatever age, I'm enjoying life. I told someone the only way I would go backwards is if I could take everything I know now with me! My 20s were terrific, my 30s were tremendous, my 40s were fabulous so I have high hopes for these 50s! I'm definitely at a stage where I focus more on fitness but I'm not obsessing over it. Just want to eat better and work out more consistently, be better at taking my vitamins which I've always been terrible at so that can only get better, and it has. I'm thrilled that I had my babies young so now I get to enjoy my grand girl. Another reason to stay fit because with her energy it's easy to see why young ones have the babies! I love the relationships I have with my children at this season and I love being with my man now more than ever. Marriage and family is something you have to prioritize and work at but nothing is more satisfying and worth the work. I poured everything I had and knew into family, made tons of mistakes but not from lack of trying. There's not one regret at 50 of making family the priority right below my relationship with Jesus. They've been here for me at times when no one else could be found and now they're all the greatest friends I have. I turned down things earlier in ministry to focus on the home. I missed retreats and conferences due to family schedules. I took heat for missing things that others wanted to prioritize for me. But now with kids grown and schedules changed, God has opened up opportunities to minister and serve and travel with my husband that weren't always possible before. That's kinda what this stage in life has been freed up to do. The no I chose to say at one season for the health and benefit of family can now be yes in this season. It's been worth the wait and God has blessed the decisions made on behalf of family. 

It has been especially true for me that, as the song says, the longer I serve Him (Jesus) the sweeter He grows! His Word becomes more and more precious to me. I've become much more protective of my time with Him than ever before even selfish if you will (wish I had been all along).  It has always been a hunger of mine probably because I grew up on it, just never remember a time I wasn't hearing about Jeaus or being taught His Word. It was a treasure to me in my twenties and I actually had to work harder at being intentional about it in my 30s. That was just a terribly hectic, busy time of life as it is for many. We had 4 little ones who became bigger and busy and active and so time alone with the Lord became something I had to fight for but precious. I pray hard for young moms now as they strive to guard that time with all the demands on them. Honestly, in my late 30s and all through my 40s it was my lifeline. I had always done in depth bible study but it got to the place where I couldn't get enough. I just buried myself in it along with prayer and journaling. By then there were 4 teenagers who not only weigh heavy on your schedule but your heart, mind, and emotions as well. Ministry at times was brutiful. That's the word we use to describe ministry many times. A combination of beautiful and brutal. God seemed to go on a mission in my life then of stretching me and changing me. Now I know why. He was preparing me for a total life change at a stage in life when most are totally settled in with no plans for change other than children moving to college and married children moving away. He was going to move us and change most everything about our life that we had settled into over 17 years. And thank you Jesus I'm so grateful now. I've grown more in love with Him over the past 5 years than I think I did in a lifetime before that. I've learned an entirely different side to his character and person. Over my life He's freed me from chains of insecurity, legalistic tendencies, and more but the greatest thing has been the freedom to just let go and Him allow me to be a part of a plan that I never imagined being able to be a part of. I've seen Him work and do things that make me stand with my mouth open and shake my head. Eddie and I find ourselves saying to one another often "He's up to something". He's tickled me to death and brought about desires I had but was even afraid to speak of because they seemed impossible at times. If He never blessed again I still couldn't have enough time to thank Him for everything that He's done just over the past few years. He's way better than I ever gave Him credit for. You know how you never even ask Him for something and then when He does it you think that's just what you wanted all along but didn't even know to ask?! It's been a lot of that lately! Sometimes I just have to tell Him to slow down so I can catch up on my praise. Please don't mistake all of this for meaning it's always smooth sailing. Just back in the fall I felt like I was going under the waves. When we were going through the process of moving and we had 1000 questions and 0 answers I felt like an elephant had taken up residence on my chest. We've had times when people turned on us that we never thought would. We've been lied about and to. We've felt the favor of God at times when we were on top of the mountain and we've felt it when we were in the pit of despair. The faith walk is a journey, a long journey. It's full of ups and downs and the longer we live the more we have. But one thing is for sure and I know it at 50 probably better than any other time and that is that I've tasted and seen that the Lord is good. And when all else and when all people fail, He never does. 

So yes, I celebrated 50 with the greatest people on the planet who lavished me with fun, gifts, laughter and my tears. They overwhelmed me to the point where I just had to shed a few tears as much as I fought it. No one anywhere could have a better family than me. I hope you feel that way towards yours too. Family is a treasured gift, the best gift I could ask for.